Left out.

That's how I've felt for the last... oh maybe 2-3 months.

I probably sound like a giant bitch, but it's true.
I miss all of my friends and I miss hanging out with everyone like I used to.
In reality I've tried really hard to make plans with people. It just never happens.
We always say "OMG i mis syou sooo much we need to hang out ASAP!" "oh yeah I know I miss you too we definitely do!" 2 months later and it still hasn't happened.
They all make plans with each other, and people I've known for a good majority of my life still seem to have forgotten about me. Sure, I can't expect everyone to want to hang out with me all the time, and I definitely don't expect that.

But a phone call or a text saying "Hey wanna come over today?(:"

Would be nice once in a while.


If you think I sound like a bitch, congratulations. But I don't care.

I don't like shadows.

So I'm recently finding out that I'm pretty much living in the shadow of like my whole family. I don't have any traits or abilitys or anything that make me stand out in the crowd.

Dads side of the family: My cousin Matt is a Senior and is one of the best high school hockey and lacrosse players in the state, my other cousin Adam is a sophomore and is amazing at basketball and lacrosse and of course they've both managed to carry 4.0 GPA's through high school, so they're amazingly smart. Their dad is a very successful Mechanical Engineer at U of M, and is also amazingly smart.

Moms side of the family: My cousin Tyler is an all state wrestler and also amazingly smart, and my cousin Steven, who is only 3 months older than me, is also an all state wrestler and amazingly smart. Their dad is an amazing musician.

Sure, I can sing somewhat, and play piano somewhat, and play guitar somewhat, but since I'm not some child prodigy, no one in my family cares. And since my brother is such an amazing singer, and he's going to Eastern for Music Ed, they all go gaga over him.

What "special talents" do I have? I'm mediocre at Volleyball, I'm an okay singer, I'm mediocre at piano and guitar, I'm not some super genius, and I have really high "unrealistic" plans for myself in the future. So pretty much, I'm nothing compared to the rest of my family.

No this isn't me trying to complain about something, this is me wanting to be individual and be noticed for something other than my cousin, or my brother, or anything like that. I want to be known for me.

I don't like shadows.

This

Is going well. And I'm SOOO happy.

I've missed this kid soooo much. As you could probably tell from an earlier post...

But yeah, I hope this lasts longer than the last time.

Fingers crossed. (:


Yours Truly, Caitlin


(P.S. yes I know this was a pointless post. Oh well. I was bored.)

So this is for the people who still actually read my blog.

Which is probably like a whopping total of 0. Buuuut, I'm extremely bored. Soooo you should definitely go doo thissss ------> http://www.formspring.me/colorfulcaitlin :D

kthxbai.

This is sort of a revalation for me.

So I've been thinking a lot lately.

And as of now, I'm not taking anything for granted. I'm living every moment like I'm going to die tomorrow. I'm not going to worry about the future, or the past. I'm going to live in the present, and live every day being thankful for the people that are in my life, because they may not be there 20 years from now, next year, next month, or even tomorrow. I'm going to let every one of my friends know that I am very grateful to have them and I want to live up every moment we have together.

I realized today that the people I love now probably won't be the people I love 10 20 30 years from now. And that kind of makes me sad because the people I know now are the best people I've ever known.

So basically, if you read this, no matter whether we're close or not, I appreciate you and I'm glad your in my life.

SO I've realized lately.

That I come from a long line of leaders. My cousin, Matthew, is very hard-working, he has grace under pressure, and he's just an all around good person. He's actually a real inspiration to me...

On my mom's side of the family there are a lot of successful people, and on my dad's side (minus my dad) there are a lot of determined, driven people.

And I guess what I'm getting at is that I really really really want to continue that.
I want to be a leader, I want to be successful, I want to be admired. And not just to be admired, I want to be admired for something good, something that will help people.

I don't know. I'm just going to have to work on it for a while.

So what if

I miss him.

It was forever ago. I shouldn't

But guess what.

For some ODD reason, I do.

I feel so pathetic and stupid for missing him too...

Maybe it's because he was the first person I really felt I could be myself around and say anything to and he wouldn't judge me or ridicule me.

Maybe it's because he was the first person I went everywhere with and talked to every night.

Yeah, I'm an idiot. I was in 7th grade. I'm young. I'm stupid.

Guess what?

I also don't give a shit.

No I wasn't in love. I was after all in 7th grade.

But I liked this kid a lot.

It's been almost a year.

And it still pretty much sucks.

kthanksbai.

"Well it's a marvelous night for a moon dance, with the stars up above in your eyes. A fantabulous night to make romance, 'neath the cover of october skys. Well all the leaves on the trees are falling to the sound of the breezes that blow, and I'm trying to please to the calling of your heart-strings that play soft and low. And all the nights magic seems to whisper and hush And all the soft moonlight seems to shine, in your blush. Can I just have one more moondance with you my love? Can I just make some more romance with you my love? " ... <3