OH

Another thing that bothers me.

Alcoholics. Living with one, it's gotten on my very last nerve more than once.

Alcoholics must not give two shits about self image. Because when your drunk you look absolutely, down right idiotic to the umpteenth degree.

I can't even believe someone would be stupid enough to subject themselves to that kind of debauchery.

One thing most people don't realize is that alcoholism is a disease. Once you are an alcoholic, you will forever and always, until the day you die, be an alcoholic. It doesn't miraculously go away when you stop drinking. Even if you were an alcoholic for 5 years, then you quit for the rest of your life. Your still an alcoholic. You are what's called a dry drunk. You still have the occasional to constant erratic and manic behavior of an alcoholic. If you've gone far enough you'll have the controlling and bi-polar behavior of a severe drunk.

Now by experience I know that there are 2 main types of alcoholics.

There's the stereo-typical: Stumbling into the house from the bar at 2 AM slurring your words crashing into things drunk. These are the ones you see in movies that get violent and angry when they're drunk. Everyone knows about these.

Then there's the: Drunk who has conditioned himself to appear functional, and lucid, but in reality are very dysfunctional. These alcoholics go about normal lives and half the time, people that don't know them well wouldn't know they were alcoholics unless they spent enough time with them.

Alcoholics in general are controlling, erratic, manic, and most of the time very predictable.
They try to control everything and everyone around them, simply because they can't control themselves (Hence the reason they're alcoholics. They can't control their drinking.)

If you know either of these types of people you know that they will either a.)completely deny the fact that they have a problem like most of them do. Or b.) Flaunt it. (Why? I have absolutely no clue.)

They do so many things that are just beyond frustrating. They'll suddenly act like they care about something when you know for a fact they didn't a week ago. Around other people they'll act completely normal and try to seem like the family man/woman and be all family oriented, then when they get home they'll just yell and scream at them some more. They'll make other people do things and do one small thing and act like they've just completed the impossible.

Now your dry drunks, basically they have the main habits of Erratic, Manic, Controlling and the occasional hot temper fit that involves a lot of yelling and throwing things.

Alcoholics are to me, the stupidest people on the planet. They choose to drink. And they choose not to stop. I know once your addicted that's harder. But what about before your addicted?

What I'm getting at is that a lot of people have no idea what it's like to be around a constantly intoxicated person. So once you've lived with one for 14 years then you can come to me and tell me I'm over reacting. Until then. You have no idea.

So pretty much

People with really bad tempers annoy me really bad.

I don't know if you think you look tough when you fly off the handle for no reason? But it's really stupid.

There's no need to get THAT mad about anything. Okay, get mad. But you don't need to YELL and SCREAM and the top of your god damn lungs. You don't need to throw things, you don't need to scream at innocent people.

Get mad, but don't loose your damn head. It doesn't make you look tough, It makes you look stupid and childish.

Kthxbai.

I miss

The Maine <3


Kthxbai

ZZ Top

Is so good. (:

Anyway, today was not the greatest day.
I've felt like absolute crap all day, I can barely talk because my throat hurts so bad, and I can't really use my right arm because my shoulders fucked up.

I have a Spanish test tomorrow. And I think I failed my science test today. I Also have a science project that I haven't a clue how to do, that's due in a week.

There goes my next week.

Kthxbai.


"If the sun refused to shine, I'd still be loving you. When mountains crumble to the sea, there will still be you and me." Thank You - Led Zeppelin

Christmas

Christmas is an over commercialized holiday that people that aren't even religious celebrate by buying stuff they don't need, and eating more than they should in a given week.

Don't look at me like I'm crazy when I say I don't like it.

I don't like spending time with my family, Yeah Yeah I know that sounds terrible. If you were me, you'd know why. I don't like the frenzy Christmas creates. I don't like the huge deal everyone makes about it.

If your religious and you celebrate Christmas with a purpose other than buying things you don't need. Then more power to you. That's great. You should be proud.

I understand the whole reason giving stared was to try to be nice and give people things they can use. But now people buy presents for themselves, and kids get greedy and ask for things they don't by any means need.

Yeah I know I sound like a Bitch, Scrooge, The Grinch, yada yada yada.

I'm not bashing you if you love the Christmas spirit and you love celebrating the birth of Jesus or anything of that sort.

I'm saying what I think. If you don't like it or agree with it. That's fine. I really don't mind.

Oh well.

Haha so much for that.

Laughin and a runnin hey hey

Today was one of the best days I've had in a long time (:

I woke up early, which I don't like doing on weekends, but it got a lot of things done.
I started cleaning my room and getting it ready to switch with my mom. I love her for taking my small excuse for a room and giving me hers. The biggest bedroom in the house. And she offered it to me. It was very nice (:

Then I got all cute to go to the mall with Lauren. (I haven't gotten cute for anything in a long time lmao) Who I haven't had a really good time with in a long time (: We had an amazing time even though Applebee's is now a disappointment and our waitress was a creeper ;]

Then from there I went to the Ice Rink and had an amazing time. I talked to Hannah almost the entire time which was amazing because I haven't had a real heart to heart conversation with her in a long time. I missed talking to her about everything a lot (:

Then I got to come home and have a good conversation with my best friend who *Cough* i might add *cough* IS an amazing writer*cough* (:

It seems like lately everything from my recent past, and deep past, have been just rushing back to me all at once. I kind of enjoy it (:

Now this day may sound average to most people, but it was really fun for me because my days and weekends ever since school started have been so monotonous it's not even funny. This was a change for the better (: And I needed a change for the better in my life. Haven't had one of those in a long time either (:

Let's hope this good mood and fun continues on to tomorrow. Hanging with Hannah? Or Elaine? Or Lauren? Or Lindsay? Who knows?! (:

Good night all ♥ I love you (:

I long to see you...

So today was decades day, and I had a pretty rockin outfit straight out of a Pat Benetar video if I do say so myself ;]

I've been feeling pretty good emotionally and physically lately even though I'm still in a bit of a daze...

I need to spend a bit more time with my friends. I miss them a lot.
I miss my very first best friend too. I hate that she lives 100 miles away.

I've felt very proud of myself lately. For what you ask...? You tell me, 'Cause I have no idea.

I'm excited for tomorrow cuz it's Wacky day (: And I'm even more excited for Thursday cuz it's favorite color day and I have a pretty rockin outfit planned ;]

Okay well those are my random thoughts as of right now. I kinda miss my best friend. I wish he wasn't sick :\ Oh well, I know I'll talk to him later. Goodbye all (:

P.S. I'm freezing my butt off right now and I need to go solfeg my music :\ Booooo.

By the way

I'm really not liking the way I'm feeling right now. Emotionally. It's bugging me, because I've felt like this for about 2 weeks.

OKay so

Seriously? These past couple days have sucked.

Monday- I stayed home sick and didn't talk to ANYONE all day.
Tuesday- I almost passed out in 3rd hour so I left school cuz I still felt like shit.
Wednesday- Was just boring. I got a Halloween costume that I hate because my mom forced it down my throat. BUT no worries (: I have a plan... ;] I also went to the Jackson High choir concert. It honestly felt really good to be back in that auditorium watching the fat man direct again. I miss it too much.
Thursday-(Today) I've felt like crap all day. I seriously think there's something really wrong with my back. It hurts was too much. School was boring, First hour(English)- We watched some of the Bride of Frankenstein and talked about other stuff. Haha.
Second hour(Choir)- Was as frustrating as ever because I still just want to strangle that man. Our music is way too easy and the 8th graders carry the entire choir 95% of the time.
Third hour(History)- Was pretty boring, we just watched this movie about the Career Center cuz we're taking a field trip there in 2 months...? -.-
Fourth hour(Algebra)- Was alright. I'm starting to understand a lot more, and now that I can see it's a lot easier. Haha.
Lunch- I ate lunch in Mrs.Allens room today because I missed Monday and Tuesday. It was rather boring and I didn't even eat.
Fifth hour(Art)- Was art... Idk. I paper mached all hour...
Sixth hour(Science)- Was actually really fun. We got to do dry ice lab kinda things and we drank apple juice with dry ice in it. We also tried to make a water bottle blow up by putting dry ice in it then putting the lid on. Haha.

SO yeah. That was my day. Then I came home. Ate. Did some Algebra homework. Slept for about an hour. Woke up. And did practically nothing. Then I went on a walk with Lauren which was really nice cuz I haven't talked to her in foreverrr. Lol.

And now I'm sitting here writing this, Listening to Anna Nalick and texting Michael.

My life is SO interesting... Not.

Soo.

Today I stayed home sick.
I've felt like complete and total crap since friday night.

Since Friday I had been getting progressivly worse to the point where I was walking upstairs to my room Sunday night to lay down because I felt very nauseous and extremely dizzy I got up to my room, stumbled a little. Then flat out fainted, laid there, possibly unconsious I don't exactly know, for about 5 minutes then I woke up and found myself on the floor in my room. After that I freaked out a little bit because I was home alone. So I called my mom and of course she made no rush to come home. So I got to wait an hour and a half, feeling even dizzier and more nauseous than before, waiting for my mom to come home and figure out what the hell went wrong.

On saturday night I got a lovely total of 4 hours of sleep because I was so terribly nauseous and actually got sick at around 6 in the morning. It has been an extremely lonely and draining weekend and I'm looking forward to going back to school tomorrow to be with people. I feel pretty good at this moment in time, although I'm still rather tipsy, if you will, when I stand up at all. So I'm going to go take a hot relaxing shower and then sleep for a while.

Thanks for taking the time to read my petty complaints if you read this.

Yours Truly, Caitlin.

"There was a man back in '95 whose heart ran out of summers but before he died, I asked him wait whats the sence in life?" -The Riddle, Five For Fighting.

The Heart.

It's a beautiful thing

Haha.

-I love how my family has the power to annoy me the most when I'm NOT in the mood.

-I hope you know how you make me feel sometimes (no not you) Incase you didn't know. It's like this, kldhsglkjdfhglksdfkjsdfkj.

-I haven't felt this shitty in a long ass time and I'm not liking it one bit.

-I really want something to happen (not like that) to suddenly make you care again. (NO not you)

As crazy as that all sounds. The people that read this will understand. I hope.

Oh well. Kthxbye

Prioritizing

• A. Friendship
• A. School work
• B. Health
• C. Music
• D. Sanity

"I feel it's gonna rain like this for days. So let it rain down and wash everything away. I hope that tomorrow sun will shine. With every tomorrow comes another life. I feel it's gonna rain for days and days. I feel it's gonna rain" -Rain, Creed.

So guess what

My weekend is looking rather interesting at this point.

Today-I'd like to go to the movies with some friends. I haven't done that in so long. Although at the same time, I'm sick and I feel like there's a 5000 Pound anvil on my chest. So I don't really know...

Tomorrow- I'll be going to a haunted house in Pontiac with Colleen, Lindsay, Hayley, Alyssa, and Lauren. And I'm super excited (: It's supposed to be the 3rd scariest haunted house in the country (:

The one thing that will always be on my mind this weekend is that I once again won't have those few people with me that I really want to be with... Oh well, It's one of many. We'll see how it goes. There most likely be more posts today. So keep checking back. K love you all.

Yours Truly, Caitlin

"Im, A Satellite Heart
Lost In The Dark.
Im Spun Out So Far,
You Stop I Start,
But I'll Be True To You"-Satellite Heart, Anya Maria

Guilt

Is a bitch. Kthxbye.

"Sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner"

This morning sucked. I woke up late. It was rainy and cold. I didn't get any sleep at all last night. My moms annoying the piss out of me.
1st hour-Wasn't actually that bad. All we did was watch frankenstien.
2nd hour-Sucked. Because no one except a few of the 8th graders even know what they're doing.
3rd hour- ROCKED because we got new seats and I sit by Lindsay and Michael (: \m/ Rockk onnn.
4th hour-Wasn't that bad because I actually understand what we're doing now.
Lunch-Was hilarious because of conner and Officer Brandt. And the fact that Mr.Z brought our whole table pizza because Linsdie Sophia Hannah and Tess got him a cake for his birthday last week (:
5th hour- was fun. I got to play with goopy paper mache (:
6th hour- was 6th hour. It's Mrs.Allen. Nuff said.
After school- I thought I lost my iPod so i freaked out. But then I found out it was in the way back of my locker -.- Imma dumbass...
Then I walked home. In the rain. It wasn't too bad though. Almost relaxing.
Now I'm chillin here eating a Peanut Butter and Banana sandwich and Apple Juice. So I'm content right now. And my day seems to be getting better and better...? (Knock on wood.) Football game later. Then off to Lindsies for some movies I think? (: Have a good day all. I'm attempting to (:

P.S. Downside. I think I'm getting sick :\

"I don't ever wanna feel like I did that day. Take me to the place I love, take me all the way." -Under The Bridge, Red Hot Chili Peppers.

It's now or never.

So obviously I'm Caitlin. Caitlin Rose Kolevar to be exact. I'll tell you now that you will never find anyone else like me on this planet. I'm my own person. I live for myself and the people I love. No one else. Music means more to me than anyone knows. It's the biggest part of my life. It speaks to me louder than words 75% of the time. I sing, play guitar, (Sort of) and play piano (Sort of). I'm still learning. I someday want to master the guitar and piano. Not for a living or anything. Just for me, because it's what I like to do.
I pay extremely close attention to detail and it's the little things in life that make me happy. That knowing glance from one of my best friends when they can tell I'm having a bad day, or the little peek of sunshine on a cloudy day. The little things.
I'm the kind of girl who doesn't trust easily, so I only really trust 2 people with everything I have. One of them lives 100 miles away and the other could possibly be the best thing that's walked into my life in a long time.
Sister. The very first best friend I had. Nicole Leann Brobston. I love her more than anything in this world. She's been there for me for 9 years and counting. We've had the craziest roller coaster of a relationship. But now we're on the right track and I miss her more than anything. Although we talk every day it's still hard because I only see her maximum... 3? times a year.
Either way. I love her like a sister. And hope to god I never lose her.

Bestfriend. Person who has been there for me when no one else was. When I needed them the most. Michael Funkhouser. He's been there for me every time I've needed him and I could never thank him enough for it. He's like my brother I swear. I'm so glad that I have someone that I can always talk to at any time of day no matter what I'm going through. (I'm sorry Nicole but your not always available.. (: ) So pretty much I love you like a bestfriend/brother michael. Don't ever leave me k? (:

I've been living on this earth for 13 years (almost 14) And counting. I have ambitious plans for myself that some might say are foolish, but I know what I want and no one is getting in the way of that. I've been called rude and selfish at times, and I'm not going to lie, I can be. But I've been trying my hardest for quite some time now to be a better person and I think it just might be working. I care way too much about things that I shouldn't care at all about and My education means a lot to me.

I've very recently learned that I need to stop trying to get what I don't have. I've discovered that I have to live with what I'm given and only with what I'm given. I can't get everything I want and sometimes I can't even get what I need. But what I have, is what I have. And that's it.

You might be wondering why my family hasn't been mentioned throughout this "tell all". It's not because they don't matter to me, because they do. But they've never necessarily been a large part of my life. My father is an alcoholic and had been for over 30 years. He's also addicted to Nicotine (Cigarettes). My mother struggles with severe chronic pain and had honestly never had a good quality of life. My brother is honestly rather incompetant and can rarely do things for himself. He's 22. This sounds harsh. But reguardless of all these flaws, they are still my family, and I love them. At a young age I promised myself I would rise above my homely struggles and make something good out of my life.

Don't think that I think, I have it bad. Because I know there are many, many people in this world who have it much worse than me. I'm just sharing myself with anyone who wants to read this so you can get to know the real me better. And this isn't even all of me. There aren't really enough words in the world to completely describe who I am. So please. Unless you really truly honestly know me. Don't even think about judging me.

My intentions are often misunderstood and I'm always trying to make them clearer. I don't really care what you think of me because your not the one living my life making my decisions. I am.

So pretty much that's me. If you really want to know anymore. You know where to find me.

"This aint a song for the broken hearted. A silent prayer for faith departed. And I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd, gonna hear my voice when I shout it out loud. It's My Life." -It's my life, Bon Jovi.

So here it is.

This blog is most likely just going to be a mix of random things.

• How I'm feeling.
• Things I'm going through.
• How my day was.
• Personal Goals.
• Other things I feel like writing.
  

Stuff like that. So if you have any questions er whatever. You should know where to find me.

Oh. I'll probably either start or end each entry with lyrics from a song. Or both.
Soo... Therefore,

"No one knows what it's like, to be the bad man, to be the sad man, Behind Blue Eyes." -Behind Blue Eyes, The Who

Maybe after a while of this... You will.